tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23025812.post7330826531122810690..comments2010-10-10T23:22:40.212-04:00Comments on MyMentalPicture: Red (rough draft)Ellenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01232295936408392483noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23025812.post-33322872079930832562010-04-30T14:53:42.066-04:002010-04-30T14:53:42.066-04:00Thank you all for taking the time to drop by, read...Thank you all for taking the time to drop by, read and of course comment. All feedback is welcome.Ellenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01232295936408392483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23025812.post-4164449723419991442010-04-30T14:09:15.200-04:002010-04-30T14:09:15.200-04:00I think the repetition would work better in an aud...I think the repetition would work better in an audio version or live performance. It was difficult for me to produce a style for it as it's written. If you do more drafts (Laurita called it a first draft, not sure if she knows something I don't - quite possible), I might recommend cutting as much as you can and getting other people to read it to you, to see how they process the voices you try to confine to the page. It's very tricky stuff, but your flair for it is obvious from the first paragraph on. It's a neat experiment.John Wiswellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07416044628686736927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23025812.post-53524493962126353792010-04-30T13:04:12.238-04:002010-04-30T13:04:12.238-04:00what you're saying, but the reason I liked the...what you're saying, but the reason I liked the repetition is because it makes it seem like spinning, twirling, flashing- red, red, red. Like a descent into madness.Lauritahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03688820247531607677noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23025812.post-54551833512235049272010-04-30T13:02:18.977-04:002010-04-30T13:02:18.977-04:00The repetition was somewhat not necessary. I feel ...The repetition was somewhat not necessary. I feel it would be stronger with one red. If course this is only my opinion, whether welcome or not. I think the story is fantastic and immediate otherwise. That seems to be my favorite word today. Thanks for sharing.Carrie Clevengerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05093923008179106837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23025812.post-41330758801393459582010-04-30T12:38:30.891-04:002010-04-30T12:38:30.891-04:00This is great, even for a first draft. Some great ...This is great, even for a first draft. Some great thoughts in here. Loved the repetition.Lauritahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03688820247531607677noreply@blogger.com