Tuesday, June 08, 2010

From the Zombie Next Door

It's not easy being a dead guy.

I mean there I was minding my own business in Homes & Despots, picking out the HOA approved mailbox, when a shuffling orange vested minion drifts by and just chomps away at my arm!

I spoke to his manager, who only drooled and grunted. I guess minimum wage monkeys are worth exactly what you pay them. I started to feel like I was coming down with something (almost like that time when I ate that Kow Pow or Som Wow chicken at that hole in the wall restaurant) so I grabbed the damn regulation mailbox and went home. I noticed my neighbour was looking out his window. Idiot. Who the hell does he think he is, always looking like that? A wave of sickness rolled over me and I went into the house.

That was days ago. Now everything is a blur. My fever rises and rises, I hear my wife talking, talking always talking. She stops when I take a nip at her and screams something about going home to her mother.

The neighbour is watching me again.

I try and take out the garbage but stop when I realize I'm eating it.

I just want to go to where there is food. I know the shiny box outside can take me, but it won't do what I want. I pound on it in frustration.

The neighbour is watching.

I think I'll eat his fucking brain.

See the original post that inspired this one @

The Zombie Next Door


Alan W. Davidson said...

Ha. Written from the zombie's point of view. Laurita's original story was pretty inspiring.

Mental_Pictures said...

I loved Laurita's story, I wrote this 'response' pretty quickly but I just had to do something.

Not sure if the tone is exactly right but I gave it a shot.


Ian said...

Nice shot! I wonder who else will run with this.

"I try and take out the garbage but stop when I realize I'm eating it." Great, coffee-out-the-nose moment.

Laurita said...

This is so much fun. I agree with Ian about the garbage eating part. I like how the zombie's thoughts echo (somewhat) those of the neighbour. Nicely done!

Cathy Olliffe said...

This is just HILARIOUS! Funny, funny story. Love how he zombie threatens to eat the neighbour's brain, love the same f-word in the last line. Hey Laurita, how great is it that somebody loves your story enough to write a companion piece?
Congrats to you both. Made my morning.