Tuesday, June 08, 2010

From the Zombie Next Door

It's not easy being a dead guy.

I mean there I was minding my own business in Homes & Despots, picking out the HOA approved mailbox, when a shuffling orange vested minion drifts by and just chomps away at my arm!

I spoke to his manager, who only drooled and grunted. I guess minimum wage monkeys are worth exactly what you pay them. I started to feel like I was coming down with something (almost like that time when I ate that Kow Pow or Som Wow chicken at that hole in the wall restaurant) so I grabbed the damn regulation mailbox and went home. I noticed my neighbour was looking out his window. Idiot. Who the hell does he think he is, always looking like that? A wave of sickness rolled over me and I went into the house.

That was days ago. Now everything is a blur. My fever rises and rises, I hear my wife talking, talking always talking. She stops when I take a nip at her and screams something about going home to her mother.

The neighbour is watching me again.

I try and take out the garbage but stop when I realize I'm eating it.

I just want to go to where there is food. I know the shiny box outside can take me, but it won't do what I want. I pound on it in frustration.

The neighbour is watching.

I think I'll eat his fucking brain.


See the original post that inspired this one @

The Zombie Next Door

5 comments:

Alan W. Davidson said...

Ha. Written from the zombie's point of view. Laurita's original story was pretty inspiring.

Ellen said...

I loved Laurita's story, I wrote this 'response' pretty quickly but I just had to do something.

Not sure if the tone is exactly right but I gave it a shot.

Fun!

Tuonela said...

Nice shot! I wonder who else will run with this.

"I try and take out the garbage but stop when I realize I'm eating it." Great, coffee-out-the-nose moment.

Laurita said...

This is so much fun. I agree with Ian about the garbage eating part. I like how the zombie's thoughts echo (somewhat) those of the neighbour. Nicely done!

Cathy Olliffe-Webster said...

This is just HILARIOUS! Funny, funny story. Love how he zombie threatens to eat the neighbour's brain, love the same f-word in the last line. Hey Laurita, how great is it that somebody loves your story enough to write a companion piece?
Congrats to you both. Made my morning.