Saturday, November 01, 2008

Snow could you!

Mardi Gras how could I have totally forgotten you? JM&J the street is crawling with dressed up drunken fools with lowered inhibitions and the inabiltity to use vocabularly larger that NFBSK in all it's variations.

Case in point: Snow White and the Pirate.

Snow White was either kicked out of a cab for gratuitous swearing, ran out of money and got kicked out or perhaps flagged down a cab with all of her companions then threw a hissy fit when all the dwarves fit in but she didn't make the cut and didn't call SHOTGUN in time.

Snow White (the slutty version) had quite the limited yet loud range of words to choose from, the poor freaking cab drivers needs to be commended for not running her a** over really. She was directing traffic at one point telling the drivers to " Go the NFBSK around you NFBSKing idiots, stop NFBSKing looking at me and drive you NFBSKed up NFBSKs.

The poor ol' Pirate just stood around looking mortified by the behaviour of his sweet (HA!) demure love bunny, I'm sure he would have walked the plank at any given moment or given himself up to the tick tock crocodile just to get away from his shrill, shrieking harpy of a girlfriend.

Snow White evenutally had her say or whatever the heck was on the go, the cab sped off and then she proceeded to toddle on down the road towards that mecca of excess that George St this weekend and I do believe I saw Mr. Meek Mild Milketoast Pirate moseying along as well.

No flaming hula hoops but it's only 12 AM so who knows what could happen yet.


PS. turn your clock back an hour

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Wink the Drine, try The Ratbag in fact.

What a fabulous time at the wine show, I enjoyed myself immensely. I laughed very hard at several different things discovered the wonder of the decapatated houses of Fogo, (which I must see someday) the eyes have hills, if you ask someone if they've tried your Ratbag that they may in fact spit their wine out and that a Yellowbelly burger is quite good. Good company makes they day and I had some grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat company. Company is great. Company with clean ears is something too but I can't remember what.

Of course some things were arlready part of my wide range of knowlege like O'Reillys is awesome and strongbow is awesomer and live music is the best EVAR!

No hangover is good too, I think thats to be credited to the Yellowbelly burger and the approximatly 3 pounds of meat therein. That and two bottles of water, a cafe mocha and potato chips at like 1130pm.

Okay family is here must let mudder check to see if she has any $$ on the lottery. Back later to explore / expound on other stuff.


Saturday, October 11, 2008

Watch This for Instant Happy

So are you happy now? Was that not the most awesome thing you have ever seen / heard?

In other news I have become aware how often I put a space between the last letter of the end word of a sentence and the puncutation, it only seems to occur with ! or ? though which I suppose makes sense. After all. The period. Does. Not Really need extra. Space. Right ?

See the ? needs the room to move ! So does the ! ! By Gum ! It does.


Friday, October 10, 2008

Cod Britches etc...

Good evening all (all 1 of you) !

It's lovely Friday evening, I just got back from turkey shopping where I picked up among other things a turkey (surprise) some cranberry sauce (jellied), Tim Hortons hot chocolate and a bottle of red wine (Big Fat Llama). Oh and a lottery ticket because I told my brother that I would buy tickets with him a few months ago and now it's like THE thing to do. I get emails, I get calls I get reminders....but it's all good at least we talk like twice a week or more compared to months of no contact. So the less than $20 a week is A-Okay with me. Plus a very remote chance of winning something I'm so there.

So the subject line, I was taking a cab up Park Ave. in Mount Pearl earlier the week and this was on the sign in front of the fish market place, BRITCHES ? really ? Heads, tongues, fillets, cheeks, and assorted other body parts but never have I seen/heard anything about cod britches. I thought that was odd and notable. Where else would I comment on the odd and notable (*cough* Brain Droppings *cough*) but in my dear old Blagh...bloggity bloggity blog.

So new townhouses to look at tomorrow / weekend possibly very exciting, hope I find "Teh One". Of course I'll take the lotto win (that remote one referenced earlier) and buy a monstrosity of a house on Circular Rd and paint it purple and have the inside totally covered in bookshelves. Sweet dreams...sweet sweet bookalicious dreams.

BD if you are reading this I sent you two follow up emails on your query of last night please check your for receipt of same.

For the record the red Big Fat Llama is quite good. I recommend this wine. I can't wait for the wine show next week.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

The Aftermath

Head pounds, a dry mouth whispers a plea for water, Dora the Explorer counts to 573 in both Spanish and English in a high pitched whine that breaks glass, the room continues to spin.

I collapse on the couch, the weight of my head is equivalent to the mass of a dark star, coffee is my enemy; light is my nemesis, Dora is an experienced mistress of torture. Damn her Uno, dos and tres to infinity.

I succumb to darkness once again, the lure of abandoned blankets to much to resist

..........Time Passes.....................

Good Morning! Okay so it's afternoon but still it's good right?!? No reason for it not to be good, oh look an educational kids program how cute and ummmmm educational! They are learning all sorts of things, even another language! I feel perfectly adequate today, what an afternoon for endless possibilities for things like naps! I love naps! I love coffee! I have a big cup of coffee, or I had one it was awesome..sooo caffeiny and full of sugar

......................Caffeine Metabolizes.........

cont'd next time, same hangover time same hangover channel.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

In which I make shit up

So there I was, running late. I had plans I had really been looking forward to taking part in. They involved music, alcohol, and spending time with my best friend people watching (ie judging everyone in sight indiscriminately with no set criteria, rules, or sense of fair play). I had been asked a particularly asinine question just before I left work for the day. The answer, then definition, and then flowcharting had taken more time than I expected. It’s hard being what I am. I won’t tell you what exactly that is but suffice it to say that I am vitally important, smarter than everyone, and I frequently have bizarre and outlandish things happen to me. They ALWAYS happen to ME by the way. Nothing ever happens around me that I could say I observed and then report on. Noooo! I must be the center figure in every story I write, just like in life where I am the true centre of the universe and things revolve around me. *hair toss*

So anyway I was meeting my fellow wench at a bar. I knew she would be there wenching it up while I was delayed. No worries about her. I made sure my white high heels and matching 80’s accessories were perfect and that my banana clip was mostly straight. I had some trouble managing my leopard print skirt. Damn pleather - so cheap, so sticky, so sexy (just like myself really). My bangs were an awesome sight, so shellacked they could double as armour in Iraq (God bless all the soldiers, including the ones who call me for recruitment even though I’m lying a big fat lie about that). I get out of the cab, the driver had insisted on telling me about his last fare. James Woods, Timothy Hutton and Robert Palmer (back from the grave) had been on their way to a poker/play/bake convention at a local casino hosted by a magical lawyer. Apparently I’m the dead ringer for the muse of BullSh*t in his country. Cool, huh ?

I needed a drink. I made my way past the bouncer, but the damn idiot made me take off five pounds of jewellery and used a Sharpie on my white heels cause he said they were tacky. Doesn’t he know who I am ??!! I left the equivalent of 5700 Barbie dream homes at the coat / tacky check. I moved in to find Brain Droppings. I spied her chatting up some unfortunate stump of a man with a dead squirrel on his head and a cubic zirconium the size of St. Pierre on his right earlobe. She was putting all her best moves on him, I could tell by the curl of her lip as she played hard to get and that slightly glazed look in her eyes. Being as I was 50 feet away and there were about 200 people in between us this was quite a feat on my part. She was bringing her ‘A’ game for sure. The midget she was beguiling seemed to be somewhat immune to her so called charms, he seemed to be perturbed by something in his drink, or maybe it was a lack of something...looked like lime.

I pushed my way past the gyrating patrons, the intellectuals (who I had to correct on their translation of a Latin phrase. They were not impressed, but really it’s important that everyone knows that it’s “Beware the Unwashed” not “Wash in cold water and check for colour fastness”), the jocks (I assume that’s what they were with the baseball bats) the Socs, the Greasers and everyone else who makes up a good range of archetypes who I make fit whatever story I want to make up.

I stopped to exchange pleasantries with the Girl Who Hates me. I told her she was failing my class and according to the campus nurse she had a raging case of VD. I stopped and checked in with my fan club, via text, cell and email because I can’t go too long without being validated.

The hobbit who was chatting up the BFF (even though I profess to have no friends) seemed to resolve its issue with the beverage of choice I had to pass him to meet up with Brain Droppings. I towered over him. I could see a bald spot shining like moonlight on the water through a comb over / transplant mess. He looked up at me.

“You’re really tall” he said in an expositional manner.

“You found your way out of Mordor” I said snarkily “With lime no less. No scurvy for you.”

“Better too much lime than too little fashion sense and an affinity for plastic clothing and Aquanet hairspray,” he said bitchily.

Satisfied with our encounter we both left the scene of the crime (although there was no actual crime committed as I always exaggerate and make shit up willy nilly in a haphazard and totally transparent manner and usually over use italics to boot)

I gyrated over to Brain Droppings via Platinum Blonde, letting my 80’s hair band groupie out to play. That was really odd considering we were in a piano bar but I rarely let a small thing like reality get in my way. I passed Gabriel Byrne buying drinks for the Stations of the Cross as I did so. They were doing shots called “Stigmatas”.

I came face to face with my friend. I bought her a drink at her insistence and then she told me she never liked me anyway and that she masturbates to Elton John. I said it’s gonna be a long long time before I meet you for a drink again.

Thursday, October 02, 2008


Woot !! Thursday has arrived, I love me some Thursday ! It's just sooooo...THURSDAY *shivers in delight*

Much to do now tonight, I have to avoid doing laundry, I have to go to the mall (walk ? bus ? cab ?) for an errand or 3, buy books that I haven't budgeted for, and probably pick up a bottle of wine. I think that's a very doable list.

Tomorrow I'm off for some of that there higher edumacation stuff and the big lernin' place that MUN spot, courtesy of work I shall become more informed on the effects and how to deal with Change Managment HA ! Little do they know that I manage change really quite effectively the sliver kind gets left in the bottom of my purse until I dislocate my shoulder and the pennies are left in small containers for those have a penny leave a penny things. See Change Management I should get a day off for that.

Monday's session looks awesome; Conflict Resolution, can I stop wars after Monday I wonder ? My brain power and one day session knowledge* can change the course of history !!!

Go ahead...envy me.


* like as if ! if the world is relying on sheer brain power from Moi that we are doomed, the doomiest doomed that have ever been doomed / doomable / dooming / etc and so forth in that annoying manner.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Red - > Redder and better

So I went from you can see from my last salon hair cut just a week after I did the Sangria...

To this lovely currant, and for the record it's hard to take a picture of your own hair in order for the colour to come out the way you want.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Missing Camera...The Case Of

So here I am, with awesome purplish/burgundy/black hair and BrainDroppings herself is demanding proof of said awesomeness. Not a problem says I for I have the digital camera, right next to me here in this pile of stuf...oh wait it's not there, the pile OR the camera.

Readersister cleaned last week, to be fair to her the clutter was getting to be epic and we Trio of Weird Sisters know clutter.

So 20 mins ago I decide to start my search, I moved, I lifted, I scrambled through stuff, I went "HEY, there's my red belt, that lip gloss, and a loonie ! Score !...ummm focus here...I am looking for my camera, that's a very important goal. Goals are important not as important as having change for coffee in the morning now, having pants that won't fall off me arse all the while having wickedly sexy lips but right up there.

So I give up I throw myself upon the not so tender mercy of twinofmine, I say plaintivley

"I can't find my camera"

Her response leaves something to be desired, it's a look, that look that she gives me when I am being particulary dense, not regular dense or crazy but particularly dense and oblivious.

"Have you seen it" I ask

She bends over slightly and picks up my camera,

off of the coffee table.


*head desk*

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Done Did it...I've Dyed

So twinofmine stepped up to the plate, or rather the chair, and helped me dye my hair this evening. I love it, love the darker, purplish tone of this shade I have to say. I'll charge the camera batteries so I can get a shot of this. It actually reminds me strongly of one of the salon colours I've had in the past which is great. Salon colour for $12 rather than the $50+ ..yay love it. I do miss having foils but maybe I can think about those once the braces are off.

Readersister has been movie / documentary watching lately, apparently Americans and their treatment of well..other Americans is really fascinating. It is by the way, the sheer money machine that the government runs on in regards to guns, smoking, health care, etc, the all consuming pursuit of the almighty Profit (fame/fortune) is beyond scary. *shudders*

For best results to be thankful to not be an American might I recommend Sicko ? American people are probably just like everyone else but their corporations/groups/cults/political lobbyists are pure evil. Yippee there's an election in the US and Canada right now too.

I should confirm which riding I'm in I suppose, I had a call last night from Telesomething or other re: the election. One of the questions was " Is the Danny Williams' ABC campaign likely to influence how you will vote" My answer of "Not in any way, shape or form" got the response of
*pause* "So highly unlikely then...."

I should go to bed, Monday morning arrives soon enough....

Irksome one on the MB has gone to ground, no wild claims, obvious fabrications, hurt yourself rolling your eyes reading it posts in like 3 whole days...she must not have figured out how to unbuckle the straps on the back yet.


Thursday, September 25, 2008

To Dye or not to Dye that is the question....

There is also the query of if I do in fact dye can I manage it all by myself if I have not done it before? If I do dye by myself (how lonely) it is sure to be messy, and it's red dye, Psycho in the shower anyone ??

I'm moving from Sangria a warm reddish brown to Blackcurrant a burgundy red brownish black and if you follow that well good on ya ! I suppose it could be worse, I could have long, luxurious, lawyer entraping, entangling hair that people get obsessed over but that never happens in real life.

Okay where was I red wine...I mean red hair, but there is red wine, right by the computer desk and I'm feeling a little under the weather and I deserve some wine. I wonder if twinofmine would be irritated if I 'stole' a glass or two.

Okay if I had a latte I would skip the wine but I don't have a latte I have red wine, well twinofmine has red wine...okay she had one glass more than when I started typing but what are ya gonna do...TELL her ??

Okay so I'm back bloggers of note (looking at you ya big brain dropping !) so lets be excellent to one another and update every so often, hmmKay ?

*note to missus on MB I frequent*

You are irksome. You are irking me.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Finally !!

Jaysus ! HOLY freaking Nfbsk'd up sign in has taken me and hour and 2 emails, 48 curse words and a pound of chocolate to log into this damn thing.

Oh well...I'M BACK !

with a candlestick in the kitchen, be very afraid.