Red (rough draft)

I adore my new red dress, I can swirl and twirl it flutters and flies, the fabric giving notice of my passage. Red, Red, Red, a beacon in the light of day against the grey rocks and tumultous water of the North Atlantic.

Imagine mothers face, I am not allowed out by myself, red, red, red mother it looks so good on you. Father was so mad with me, his face as he saw....but I just wanted to feel the coming storm, red red red father it is a badge across your chest.

I danced around the house this morning in happiness and joy the freedom of movement and possiblities and so much to do. Red, Red, Red the colour of the flames that flicker and flow from the house in the harbour that was my castle, my prison, my fate.

I shall dance across the waves, away from the small figures that have turned from ruin and ash and have started towards me, I will not talk to them today. I will spin turning forever in my costume of crimson and scarlet. Red, red, red.

To Be Read

Not in the case of emergency or in the case of my death but rather the piles of books yet to be read, precariously randomly placed throughout my house. Leaning towers of fiction that are romantic, fantastical, paranormal, mysterious, eclectic mountains with no order rhyme or reason; let mood dictate what comes to hand next.

Non- fiction that anchors and cleanses the palate, how to and why guides that stretch the brain in different directions, planting the seeds for the next question, the next quest. Expeditions to large chains for new releases, treks to the library to place holds and get entire series at one time, second hand places that introduce new authors ,new addictions as they make it so easy ‘just to try’.

Don’t bring them to read during work hours, the break room noises fade away, immersed in that world the time passes and I am oblivious.

Breaking up my time, my year by publication date, a flurry of new releases in January and March, the long wait between the most favorite plots; a story line that captures, the thrill of the gift card that feeds my addiction.

Plastic Flowers

There is no life in what you bring as a tribute to our shared loss.

The cheap monuments piled so high, fading to gray by the rough, ever-changing weather in this cemetery by the sea.
They wither and cheapen my sharp grief, poking up from the ground where you planted them as a final defiance.

A quick gathering, the harvesting of seconds and 10 steps to the edge, lifting my hands, then a release, letting them wheel away on North Atlantic winds. A more fitting homage I leave instead, a fallen tear, a laughing memory and a small beach rock on the larger shaped granite.

A quick look back, a tranquil place that now says remembrance.

Random..could turn out to be something

fog banks
childhood summer day
winter day
sleepy morning
tbr pile
loneliness
red shoe
drinks
lipgloss

Editors Nightmare

Percival McMadeUp the III squinted at the crumpled manuscript in his hands. It had been consigned to the slush pile weeks ago and as per his twice a year promise to the PTB he would 'review' the slush pile to give some aspiring writer a boost, chances were beyond slight that this would happen. More likely, a final cup of bitter poison in the hopes that they would now concentrate on the reality of their situations and spend pennies on real life and not self publishing drivel suitable for the matted coverings of cages of small rodents.

But this..this was just plain weird, the accompaning cover letter was in the proper format, he read it again, raising his head to see if heads were being poked over cubicle walls, were those muffled giggles?

An English professor wrote this? Better things were left on the outake floor of daytime serials as too impossible, implausible and unbelievable.

The syntax was wrong, the characters beyond wooden, he referred back to the cover letter, published numerous times? Whhhhaa? Percival did what his grandchildren told him do in such information crisis moments, Percival went forth and googled.

So he googled and so he learned. In google veritas.

Layer upon layer of delusion, stilted diaglog, loops of fatal logic errors that could be easily explained by simply having say..2 working brain cells. He was astounded, he was floored he was humbled.

Percival gave the slush pile readers a sumptuous lunch that week with a bottle of wine each on him. He kept that manuscript and used it as the last nail in the coffin for 'unsolicited works'. The slush pile was no more, recycling was in.

random picture thought

I love this picture I took this past summer, on the beach of the outport community where I grew up, this tiny piece of crustacean home that was barely longer than my thumb. So interesting, what are those little round red things, seeds? eggs? How tiny are those little mussels yet so complete.

I took this photo, blew it up and the colours really pop now at least in my view.

It's just so interesting to me.

Where oh where has my little post gone...

Oh where oh where can it be.

I had about half a blog post typed I was typing away at it at work a sentence here a sentence there kind of thing...it's still in my drafts folder.

I think I'm coming down with another cold, which sucks because I just got over one, shouldn't you have at least a month between wanting mini sticks of dynamite to stick up your nose because if you just get it over with and blow up your head before it explodes from the pressure you're just being efficient right?

Right? *WHINES*

Bah!

I want to curl up on the couch, but it's currently occupied by a cat and my sister, on the bright side my sister will probably be going to bed soon and the cat cat be bribed with a fleece blanket.

Ummm fleece blankets for couch curling up on ... *glares at cat and sister*

I want chips.

I want chocolate.

I want hot chocolate with some sort of alcohol in it.

I want all the food and beverages above just to be given to me without me having to do anything like go get / make / purchase them.

I want to sleep in tomorrow but I can't because it's a work day.

I'm cranky, I'm sick and darn it I lost my blog entry through every fault my own even if techincally it's not lost but I'm in the middle of a RANT here people and I don't let facts get in the middle of what I want to say...hardly ever in fact.

*pouts*

PITY ME.

Pity will be accepted in the form of chips, chocolate, hot chocolate with alchohol, alcohol, books, Hugh Jackman, and Gerard Butler.

Any there theres, poor you and games of oneupmanship are strictly forbidden.

;-)

Tales from the Step: Part Eleventy Seven

It’s New Years Eve around 530/545 in the evening, night has arrived fireworks can be seen and heard already in sporadic explosions. Twinofmine is on the couch I am on the computer she hears something from outside and goes to investigate.

It turns out that someone has slipped/fallen on some ice on the sidewalk, perhaps due in part to the fact that he is completely and utterly inebriated. He has a companion though and he was ‘helped’ to his feet and a piece of pizza is passed back and forth. Although to call it a piece is somewhat generous, perhaps drool laden is now a specialty?

Yes it was even grosser to SEE that as you can imagine.

Anyway, nothing unusual there, a guy is loaded and he trips/falls/skips/tumbles/twirls/ cartwheels down to the ground and someone else helps him up, gross pizza sharing notwithstanding.

A few minutes later twinofmine looks out the window again no sign of anything unusual, pizza eating beer soaked denizens of downtown St. John’s must have moved along…yes one might indeed think that.

I decide to run to the store, fire on the proper footwear (it’s slippery out there you know) and tromp down the stairs and out the door, look to my right. DrunkGuy is rightthere on the business step, he’s ossified, nearly pickled in his alcoholic haze and he seems to have chosen his accessory for the night, it’s red, it’s liquid and it’s dripping from his head with alarming consistency.

I ask if he needs assistance he responds or I assume that was a response; he’s slurring his speech drunkenly (and possibly concussively! She said soberly). I run across to the store and return within 2 – 5 minutes I ask again if he needs me to call anyone. He shakes his head, still dripping. As I watch him fumble open the six pack of beer he has between his legs I decide that drunken bloody guys are not that responsible for their own welfare and that in fact someone should be called on his behalf. This realization is underlined as he takes a big swallow of his beer and goes to place the bottle on the step instead he drops it shattering and the look of bafflement is sad to observe. I go upstairs and twinofmine calls it in. An ambulance arrives as she is on the phone so obviously someone else called as well.

The crew takes about 10 mins to remove him from the step and as per usual any flashing lights in this neighbourhood draw a crowd, most move on within short order, what’s all that interesting about a bleeding from the head drunk guy after all. There are 4 local feral hoodies about though; kind of unusual I thought they were genetically predisposed to flee from all flashing lights. The true motive for them sticking around is shown soon though, as the attendants link DrunkGuy into the ambulance one of the Hoodies ghosts in and makes off with the remainder of the beer, it was smooth, it was quick and they are gone in seconds.

DrunkGuy was unfortunately not unfamiliar to me, I know him from the summer when he passed out on the steps two houses down, I know him from other slips and face plant falls on the sidewalk just outside. This is a guy with a problem, probably more than one problem if the truth be known. If the jackals of the neighbourhood feel safe preying on you then that says a lot. Insensible drunk or not, you had NO ONE looking out for you. + you have no beer.

Heights of Ridiculousness

I consider myself to be an easy going personality, downright lazy most of the time in fact. I mean what's the point of getting all bent out of shape over what other people do or say. There is NO POINT for the most part. There is nothing wrong with sticking up for yourself of course as easy going / lazy does not = doormat. I've come to a point though where my annoyance at an online personality is getting a little bizarre. I've joined an undergrown guerilla group that was created from another persons annoyance with the entire situation fer christsake.

History: A poster on a MB I am a member of (more lurker than anything) is prone to frequent flights of fantasy that she posts as real life happenings, pleas, demands, whines for attention abound on a regular basis as well. If called upon to explain the wide and varied inconsistencies she will either A. Ignore request or B. scream Bully and let her posse* tear said person apart. What I don't get is that there seems to be so few people willing to call her on her shit. On an MB dedicated to debunking ULs and shady stuff no less. I'm more than boggled by that. I'm getting MAD at those supporting and as a wise someone said enabling her. Those that support her in fact are becoming worthy of ridicule now as well in my mind. "Well we know you just lurve so-and-so and that means you are not the brightest bulb in the world now don't we". Their opinions are not worth very much anymore which is sad because I thought one or two of the vehement were you know..smart and stuff.

I mean sometimes aggravation is good, it brings things to a head, things that are needed to be said get said and all that. The air clears and the world spins once again. HOW in the name of the Great Googly Moogly though can things come to a head when Ms. Liar Fabricator gets told how frigging wonderful she is at every freaking turn. It's all kinds of F'd up. She's F'd up, it's F'd up and now the board is F'd up.

F.

I'm following the latest saga of her getting dumped by an online friend though, she complains incessantly about having NO friends and now she's getting dumped by one. Flowery verbal crap ensues on the board and she gets her props and I'm like..HEE HEE I know who you are talking about and I can't blame her. If you are THAT bad on a board I can't freaking imagine what you are like in a different venue/circumstance. Especially with your self involved ME ME ME all about ME ME ME MEMMEMMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEM schitch.

Anyway I'm putting her on ignore it's stupid how crazy this makes me, I am too wrapped up in it and it's just nuts. She makes me want to be a bully and that is not me. Or I don't want it to be. She's not worth this aggravation and again the mean streak that she brings out it me makes me want to tell her that fact.

Last word on it is that she is a crackpot and therefore to be avoided. I shall practice my avoidance skills from this blog post forward.

~Me

Snow White...how could you!

Mardi Gras how could I have totally forgotten you? JM&J the street is crawling with dressed up drunken fools with lowered inhibitions and the inabiltity to use vocabularly larger that NFBSK in all it's variations.

Case in point: Snow White and the Pirate.

Snow White was either kicked out of a cab for gratuitous swearing, ran out of money and got kicked out or perhaps flagged down a cab with all of her companions then threw a hissy fit when all the dwarves fit in but she didn't make the cut and didn't call SHOTGUN in time.

Snow White (the slutty version) had quite the limited yet loud range of words to choose from, the poor freaking cab drivers needs to be commended for not running her a** over really. She was directing traffic at one point telling the drivers to " Go the NFBSK around you NFBSKing idiots, stop NFBSKing looking at me and drive you NFBSKed up NFBSKs.

The poor ol' Pirate just stood around looking mortified by the behaviour of his sweet (HA!) demure love bunny, I'm sure he would have walked the plank at any given moment or given himself up to the tick tock crocodile just to get away from his shrill, shrieking harpy of a girlfriend.

Snow White evenutally had her say or whatever the heck was on the go, the cab sped off and then she proceeded to toddle on down the road towards that mecca of excess that George St this weekend and I do believe I saw Mr. Meek Mild Milketoast Pirate moseying along as well.

No flaming hula hoops but it's only 12 AM so who knows what could happen yet.

~Me


PS. turn your clock back an hour

Wink the Drine, try The Ratbag in fact.

What a fabulous time at the wine show, I enjoyed myself immensely. I laughed very hard at several different things discovered the wonder of the decapatated houses of Fogo, (which I must see someday) the eyes have hills, if you ask someone if they've tried your Ratbag that they may in fact spit their wine out and that a Yellowbelly burger is quite good. Good company makes they day and I had some grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat company. Company is great. Company with clean ears is something too but I can't remember what.

Of course some things were arlready part of my wide range of knowlege like O'Reillys is awesome and strongbow is awesomer and live music is the best EVAR!

No hangover is good too, I think thats to be credited to the Yellowbelly burger and the approximatly 3 pounds of meat therein. That and two bottles of water, a cafe mocha and potato chips at like 1130pm.

Okay family is here must let mudder check to see if she has any $$ on the lottery. Back later to explore / expound on other stuff.

~Me

Watch This for Instant Happy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5BxymuiAxQ

So are you happy now? Was that not the most awesome thing you have ever seen / heard?

In other news I have become aware how often I put a space between the last letter of the end word of a sentence and the puncutation, it only seems to occur with ! or ? though which I suppose makes sense. After all. The period. Does. Not Really need extra. Space. Right ?

See the ? needs the room to move ! So does the ! ! By Gum ! It does.

:-)

Cod Britches etc...

Good evening all (all 1 of you) !

It's lovely Friday evening, I just got back from turkey shopping where I picked up among other things a turkey (surprise) some cranberry sauce (jellied), Tim Hortons hot chocolate and a bottle of red wine (Big Fat Llama). Oh and a lottery ticket because I told my brother that I would buy tickets with him a few months ago and now it's like THE thing to do. I get emails, I get calls I get reminders....but it's all good at least we talk like twice a week or more compared to months of no contact. So the less than $20 a week is A-Okay with me. Plus a very remote chance of winning something I'm so there.

So the subject line, I was taking a cab up Park Ave. in Mount Pearl earlier the week and this was on the sign in front of the fish market place, BRITCHES ? really ? Heads, tongues, fillets, cheeks, and assorted other body parts but never have I seen/heard anything about cod britches. I thought that was odd and notable. Where else would I comment on the odd and notable (*cough* Brain Droppings *cough*) but in my dear old Blagh...bloggity bloggity blog.

So new townhouses to look at tomorrow / weekend possibly very exciting, hope I find "Teh One". Of course I'll take the lotto win (that remote one referenced earlier) and buy a monstrosity of a house on Circular Rd and paint it purple and have the inside totally covered in bookshelves. Sweet dreams...sweet sweet bookalicious dreams.

BD if you are reading this I sent you two follow up emails on your query of last night please check your for receipt of same.

For the record the red Big Fat Llama is quite good. I recommend this wine. I can't wait for the wine show next week.

The Aftermath

Head pounds, a dry mouth whispers a plea for water, Dora the Explorer counts to 573 in both Spanish and English in a high pitched whine that breaks glass, the room continues to spin.

I collapse on the couch, the weight of my head is equivalent to the mass of a dark star, coffee is my enemy; light is my nemesis, Dora is an experienced mistress of torture. Damn her Uno, dos and tres to infinity.

I succumb to darkness once again, the lure of abandoned blankets to much to resist

..........Time Passes.....................

Good Morning! Okay so it's afternoon but still it's good right?!? No reason for it not to be good, oh look an educational kids program how cute and ummmmm educational! They are learning all sorts of things, even another language! I feel perfectly adequate today, what an afternoon for endless possibilities for things like naps! I love naps! I love coffee! I have a big cup of coffee, or I had one it was awesome..sooo caffeiny and full of sugar

......................Caffeine Metabolizes.........

cont'd next time, same hangover time same hangover channel.

In which I make shit up

So there I was, running late. I had plans I had really been looking forward to taking part in. They involved music, alcohol, and spending time with my best friend people watching (ie judging everyone in sight indiscriminately with no set criteria, rules, or sense of fair play). I had been asked a particularly asinine question just before I left work for the day. The answer, then definition, and then flowcharting had taken more time than I expected. It’s hard being what I am. I won’t tell you what exactly that is but suffice it to say that I am vitally important, smarter than everyone, and I frequently have bizarre and outlandish things happen to me. They ALWAYS happen to ME by the way. Nothing ever happens around me that I could say I observed and then report on. Noooo! I must be the center figure in every story I write, just like in life where I am the true centre of the universe and things revolve around me. *hair toss*

So anyway I was meeting my fellow wench at a bar. I knew she would be there wenching it up while I was delayed. No worries about her. I made sure my white high heels and matching 80’s accessories were perfect and that my banana clip was mostly straight. I had some trouble managing my leopard print skirt. Damn pleather - so cheap, so sticky, so sexy (just like myself really). My bangs were an awesome sight, so shellacked they could double as armour in Iraq (God bless all the soldiers, including the ones who call me for recruitment even though I’m lying a big fat lie about that). I get out of the cab, the driver had insisted on telling me about his last fare. James Woods, Timothy Hutton and Robert Palmer (back from the grave) had been on their way to a poker/play/bake convention at a local casino hosted by a magical lawyer. Apparently I’m the dead ringer for the muse of BullSh*t in his country. Cool, huh ?

I needed a drink. I made my way past the bouncer, but the damn idiot made me take off five pounds of jewellery and used a Sharpie on my white heels cause he said they were tacky. Doesn’t he know who I am ??!! I left the equivalent of 5700 Barbie dream homes at the coat / tacky check. I moved in to find Brain Droppings. I spied her chatting up some unfortunate stump of a man with a dead squirrel on his head and a cubic zirconium the size of St. Pierre on his right earlobe. She was putting all her best moves on him, I could tell by the curl of her lip as she played hard to get and that slightly glazed look in her eyes. Being as I was 50 feet away and there were about 200 people in between us this was quite a feat on my part. She was bringing her ‘A’ game for sure. The midget she was beguiling seemed to be somewhat immune to her so called charms, he seemed to be perturbed by something in his drink, or maybe it was a lack of something...looked like lime.

I pushed my way past the gyrating patrons, the intellectuals (who I had to correct on their translation of a Latin phrase. They were not impressed, but really it’s important that everyone knows that it’s “Beware the Unwashed” not “Wash in cold water and check for colour fastness”), the jocks (I assume that’s what they were with the baseball bats) the Socs, the Greasers and everyone else who makes up a good range of archetypes who I make fit whatever story I want to make up.

I stopped to exchange pleasantries with the Girl Who Hates me. I told her she was failing my class and according to the campus nurse she had a raging case of VD. I stopped and checked in with my fan club, via text, cell and email because I can’t go too long without being validated.

The hobbit who was chatting up the BFF (even though I profess to have no friends) seemed to resolve its issue with the beverage of choice I had to pass him to meet up with Brain Droppings. I towered over him. I could see a bald spot shining like moonlight on the water through a comb over / transplant mess. He looked up at me.

“You’re really tall” he said in an expositional manner.

“You found your way out of Mordor” I said snarkily “With lime no less. No scurvy for you.”

“Better too much lime than too little fashion sense and an affinity for plastic clothing and Aquanet hairspray,” he said bitchily.

Satisfied with our encounter we both left the scene of the crime (although there was no actual crime committed as I always exaggerate and make shit up willy nilly in a haphazard and totally transparent manner and usually over use italics to boot)

I gyrated over to Brain Droppings via Platinum Blonde, letting my 80’s hair band groupie out to play. That was really odd considering we were in a piano bar but I rarely let a small thing like reality get in my way. I passed Gabriel Byrne buying drinks for the Stations of the Cross as I did so. They were doing shots called “Stigmatas”.

I came face to face with my friend. I bought her a drink at her insistence and then she told me she never liked me anyway and that she masturbates to Elton John. I said it’s gonna be a long long time before I meet you for a drink again.

TGIT !

Woot !! Thursday has arrived, I love me some Thursday ! It's just sooooo...THURSDAY *shivers in delight*

Much to do now tonight, I have to avoid doing laundry, I have to go to the mall (walk ? bus ? cab ?) for an errand or 3, buy books that I haven't budgeted for, and probably pick up a bottle of wine. I think that's a very doable list.

Tomorrow I'm off for some of that there higher edumacation stuff and the big lernin' place that MUN spot, courtesy of work I shall become more informed on the effects and how to deal with Change Managment HA ! Little do they know that I manage change really quite effectively the sliver kind gets left in the bottom of my purse until I dislocate my shoulder and the pennies are left in small containers for those have a penny leave a penny things. See Change Management I should get a day off for that.

Monday's session looks awesome; Conflict Resolution, can I stop wars after Monday I wonder ? My brain power and one day session knowledge* can change the course of history !!!

Go ahead...envy me.

~Me


* like as if ! if the world is relying on sheer brain power from Moi that we are doomed, the doomiest doomed that have ever been doomed / doomable / dooming / etc and so forth in that annoying manner.

Red - > Redder and better

So I went from this...as you can see from my last salon hair cut just a week after I did the Sangria...

To this lovely shade...black currant, and for the record it's hard to take a picture of your own hair in order for the colour to come out the way you want.

Missing Camera...The Case Of

So here I am, with awesome purplish/burgundy/black hair and BrainDroppings herself is demanding proof of said awesomeness. Not a problem says I for I have the digital camera, right next to me here in this pile of stuf...oh wait it's not there, the pile OR the camera.

Readersister cleaned last week, to be fair to her the clutter was getting to be epic and we Trio of Weird Sisters know clutter.

So 20 mins ago I decide to start my search, I moved, I lifted, I scrambled through stuff, I went "HEY, there's my red belt, that lip gloss, and a loonie ! Score !...ummm focus here...I am looking for my camera, that's a very important goal. Goals are important not as important as having change for coffee in the morning now, having pants that won't fall off me arse all the while having wickedly sexy lips but right up there.

So I give up I throw myself upon the not so tender mercy of twinofmine, I say plaintivley

"I can't find my camera"

Her response leaves something to be desired, it's a look, that look that she gives me when I am being particulary dense, not regular dense or crazy but particularly dense and oblivious.

"Have you seen it" I ask

She bends over slightly and picks up my camera,






off of the coffee table.

*sigh*


*head desk*

Done Did it...I've Dyed

So twinofmine stepped up to the plate, or rather the chair, and helped me dye my hair this evening. I love it, love the darker, purplish tone of this shade I have to say. I'll charge the camera batteries so I can get a shot of this. It actually reminds me strongly of one of the salon colours I've had in the past which is great. Salon colour for $12 rather than the $50+ ..yay love it. I do miss having foils but maybe I can think about those once the braces are off.

Readersister has been movie / documentary watching lately, apparently Americans and their treatment of well..other Americans is really fascinating. It is by the way, the sheer money machine that the government runs on in regards to guns, smoking, health care, etc, the all consuming pursuit of the almighty Profit (fame/fortune) is beyond scary. *shudders*

For best results to be thankful to not be an American might I recommend Sicko ? American people are probably just like everyone else but their corporations/groups/cults/political lobbyists are pure evil. Yippee there's an election in the US and Canada right now too.

I should confirm which riding I'm in I suppose, I had a call last night from Telesomething or other re: the election. One of the questions was " Is the Danny Williams' ABC campaign likely to influence how you will vote" My answer of "Not in any way, shape or form" got the response of
*pause* "So highly unlikely then...."

I should go to bed, Monday morning arrives soon enough....

Irksome one on the MB has gone to ground, no wild claims, obvious fabrications, hurt yourself rolling your eyes reading it posts in like 3 whole days...she must not have figured out how to unbuckle the straps on the back yet.


~Me

To Dye or not to Dye that is the question....

There is also the query of if I do in fact dye can I manage it all by myself if I have not done it before? If I do dye by myself (how lonely) it is sure to be messy, and it's red dye, Psycho in the shower anyone ??

I'm moving from Sangria a warm reddish brown to Blackcurrant a burgundy red brownish black and if you follow that well good on ya ! I suppose it could be worse, I could have long, luxurious, lawyer entraping, entangling hair that people get obsessed over but that never happens in real life.

Okay where was I red wine...I mean red hair, but there is red wine, right by the computer desk and I'm feeling a little under the weather and I deserve some wine. I wonder if twinofmine would be irritated if I 'stole' a glass or two.

Okay if I had a latte I would skip the wine but I don't have a latte I have red wine, well twinofmine has red wine...okay she had one glass more than when I started typing but what are ya gonna do...TELL her ??

Okay so I'm back bloggers of note (looking at you ya big brain dropping !) so lets be excellent to one another and update every so often, hmmKay ?

*note to missus on MB I frequent*

You are irksome. You are irking me.